lustful

i want to see you touch you squeeze you
taste yr tongue on mine feel you
slide into me until we merge melt
into a single moaning sighing contradiction of my
solitude.

fit ourselves intricately together till we
lose the air between us, i want you
under me over me
around me
map out a song on my skin, trail

fingers into spirals of lust
erase my doubts pull me into
yr steady heartbeat yr breath
on my hair; this time
i mean it.

bubbles

lately life's been blowing
strange bubbles my way
odd ups and downs
hills to coast down but the
coasting freefalling scares me
and i fight it, i slow, the uphill
climb is a battle i give up on
speed on patience surge or stop
i can't picture his face outside
my photos can't quite grasp
the voice on the phone it's not real
not life not anything but
strangers filling ears with stories
and silences i fold myself neat
fold myself simple to fit trimly
in the receiver, package a volume
of myself off down lines to yr
unlistening ear. colors are
dancing before my eyes i saw her
she only tapped her foot maybe
looked my way maybe, too cool
to dance but i'm drowning in yr
magnificence i want to know
yr history and yr secrets and
you can have mine

shrinky dink

                        drawing with crayons relaxes me
                               consumes me to a ridiculous extent

i was taking a nap just now and dreaming of cartoon giraffes
                 listening to snow patrol & tres chicas while i slept
      when a funny feeling like deja vu or something else
                                indescribable
                                                startled me awake

frustration/inspiration

some days i want to be normal i want to
stop dressing in my own special way
stop dreaming stop drifting stop
dancing to the beat of my own private drum i want to
blend in with the crowd &
perhaps maybe their way is right perhaps
i should revise my expectations
rethink my plans but then i
unlock the door walk in after
midnight see you sleeping lovely tousled
new short dark haircut and thrift store skirt
bedroom filled with pieces of yrself and yr
sleeping away yr work from the day &
no yr the one who's getting it right; yr
sketching out yr life as youd like
living for real
different & quirky & so you

& what was i thinking anyway

wasp

i wander through my days like a wasp looking for the way out buzzing pressing itself onto the glass skimming the surface only an eighth of an inch from freedom tap tap tapping

carrboro

last night as i wandered towards my lovely house through the still-gathered crowds from the music on weaver st's lawn, winding my way around groups of laughing smiling talking people with dreadlocks or long tangled curls or buzzcuts, hoops twirling, drum circles forming, kids playing tag around the legs of their parents, it tasted almost like home.

poetry party in the japanese garden

This is when I don't want summer to come, this is when I want to stay outside drunk under the chicago night sky forever, laughing too loudly and sharing too much of ourselves, stumbling through darkness and new acquaintances, cementing momentary friendships and dancing to the beats we sing for ourselves...

sing along

         a song i know so well it writes itself onto the bottom of my stomach, chords sounding in time with my breath, my heartbeat, i'm so in tune with this tune i could call it my own i could sing it in my sleep. a voice rich and deep and soothing, words almost heavyhanded in their simplicity and honesty, heartbreakingly beautiful as my limbs start moving and i start swirling and tapping and nodding in time. play me a song that's ingrained in my self, i'll sing you the refrain without a thought, i'll do anything for that swell in my chest and that relief in my throat. i swallow the notes like smooth lemon drops, i bury myself in the sound as it whisks me up up and away. a song i know so well it writes itself onto the bottom of my stomach, a song to my heart.

suspended animation

tripping on insomnia, i'm
seeing reflections in the air,
colors on the walls
my face is numb
pounded by waves of would-be sleep
swallowing my words
tracing imaginary outlines
floating on the rhythm of my pulse
tasting promises of REM on my tongue
involuntary shivers and limbs
holding me down
paperweights on my sentience
eyes swirling, lights burning
let my lids drop and
calming darkness soothes
blissful unconsciousness
takes hold

back up

   walking down the sidewalk today felt like it was couples everywhere & i thought to myself
                  i never asked for a happy ending or a saccharine love story; i craved the tragic and the transitory, the fleeting and intense.

my way home from the GSB was strange today somehow - everything triggered way too vivid memories...if this was a movie it would have been misty fadeaways to a montage accompanied by cheesy music and glamorous reenactments. But this is life, so it was me walking a little slower and more thoughtfully, wistful and thinking of a one-night stand with a blurry face and a name that's slipped away, the rest of the scenario remembered - his roommate, her dog, the dinner he cooked me, the sweetest of goodbye kisses. And then moments i do still have, boys i do recall, just tucked away where i'd forgotten they existed...the abandoned church, the walk after class, throwing grass at each other and lying in the park. Winter break semi-romances with us both too cynical, losing the magic with the walk of shame.

it was strange, that's all. A chance overheard word, a street i haven't walked down in a while...sparking sudden startling forays into my head, into the past...getting Clem Snide stuck in my head, singing again and again I don't wanna know me better...

            and then i check my messages and his voice is enough to make me smile and i feel silly in my smitten state.

Shakori Hills Grassroots Fest in NC:

checkerboards

holes in my shoes growing bigger by the day yawning and gaping with every step every flex every adventure i'll dance my way down twisty sidewalks pull off my shoes and stroll languidly barefoot in the grass push my toes into these blue skies this sunny day the cool dirt - slip my feet back in and feel the tears inching wider, creeping to reveal multicolored socks, drawing a raggedly fluid map of my travels - if the whites turn to browns turn to grays are they any less beautiful? picking up pigment from perilous puddles, if you take the road less traveled believe me you will get holes in yr shoes!

vanish

let's run away into a turquoise dream let's vanish in a puff
of patchouli-scented smoke we'll float up and jump from
cloud to cloud we won't fall i promise. let's linger in
archaic daydreams and blow smoke rings through tangled
thoughts and nonsensical conversations that mean the world
when our implausible playground collapses into a pile of
originality then where will we go? let's sail on avocado
seas till we reach a center and bounce between transient
peach-colored tropic isles that imprison our senses. we'll
flit and float and fly and find the unimaginable
unattainable undefined we'll be picturesque and silly we'll
give them the slip and in this blissful somnabulance we'll
never wake up.



last month, for spring break - cleveland, boston, chapel hill, athens:

Calc 132

numbers
symbols
skritch scratch on the
misty blackboard
lines &
dashes
fingers flying
arms flailing
chalk falls to the tray with a monumental
thunk
dust swirls
glazed eyes
calculations filling space
skritch scratch
dit dash
makes a tune, a
song, a
beat to
put me to sleep

transitions

rearranging my expressions
stealing cognizance
undoing my buttons;
it was perfect until i dissolved into stardust
blew through an open pane
in the spun sugar window of obsolescence –
i sang myself dizzy &
kissed life confused full on the lips
sparkles of prisms a mite too blinding
who will i be
when the sequins fade from my dress
falling to slivers of lost glory
in the cracks between the floorboards?
it’s the end of the world as we know it and
i see a light at the end of the tunnel –
let’s chase it down and stuff it in the back pocket
of my water-logged jeans.
i’m losing my insanity
finding a neverland between worlds –
transitions are never easy

osculation

reduce the space between us
draw me impishly into your proximity
if i’m malleable will you mold me into a murmur of myself?

mesmerized, fantasized, cauterized
our open faces, open mouths
open eyes

your lips are unbearably
               there
too far, too close

melt into me & i’ll
stick like cornbread
to an ungreased pan, i'll

move like twilight; your
violet enticement is
                           exhilarating