change of scenery

i'm bored & i need
an adventure or something.i'm craving
rich colors & gypsy music, dark eyeliner,
dimly lit revelry.
either that or
summer air on bare skin, bright sun & sparse beaches,
warm stones underfoot.
is this supposed to mean something? i've got
pictures, feelings, surroundings
stuck in my head

all i know is that today i'm done with the cold
i'm done with the way they look at me.
let's be realistic & blame it on
my achy belly and my lack of sleep,
the way my legs burn when i ride my rusty bike.
i want everything to be light & transparent &
almost invisible. is that too much to ask?
(yes)

weekend, remixed

that night we got kicked out of three bars & we
played arcade games for hours throwing away
nickels with abandon, silver coins for paper tickets for
plastic prizes; i think this is what they call
downsizing

tramped shivering side by side over piles of snow
each intersection an exciting new divergence
staring up to the clearing skies for guidance
or maybe just renewal, reminder that
the stars still press us to the earth

saw two girls stripping on their porch, preparing
for a midnight streak down the block & as they
ran shrieking covering their chests
we wore matching grins & laughing eyes, we
almost joined them.

is this a lie? do i
mash together pieces of different stories &
different you's, remix into one encounter
for clarity, for simplicity's sake, for
the bigger picture?

all i know is i almost slipped this morning
leaving yr house, striding down icy sidewalks, leaving
you & yr sweet nothings behind. all i know is
i've got my underwear on inside out, & you -
you wear yr heart on yr sleeve.

mendacity

i wish i could tell you
my thoughts on treetops, but since i moved here
everything has been about rain,
& the way it feels to come full circle.

you see i'm the expert
at holding myself tight but today i'm
leaking out seeping between my fingers
making a mess of this frigid room.

oatmeal nightmares & soy latte daydreams
& that fairytale party i forgot to go to last night.
in the dictionary, cerulean is the purplish blue of
october skies, but suddenly it's december

& the sky looks more like dingy bathroom tiles or
cigarette ashes in the daylight. i'd like you
to come up with a name for this color that makes us
run indoors and curl into each other for warmth.

a name they'll print on crayola wrappers,
package between candy-apple red and
ballerina pink. end-of-the-line orange, so i must have
missed my stop.

there's so many new beginnings
and i don't know where they came from but if i
cut off my hair or stopped smiling at strangers
could i have a moment alone?

pack it all up and away and
we'll take a trip to the other side of the river,
where nothing has changed.
except where have all the girls gone?