wolkig

the clouds outside are flying by faster than i can stand, and the sun flickering through the curtain is off on off on off on again every time i look up. i'd like to go plunge my fingers into some soft dirt, pull gentle weeds up by the roots, watch seeds turn into something real. i'm too far away from everything around me here; i'm too close, too. i'd just like some sort of definition, a map tattooed into my skin so that i can be sure just how far my limbs will stretch.

my feet hurt from late nights of dancing in empty shoes, my eyes from smoke and lights. that street yesterday felt so good, so fast, the momentum carrying me downhill and around pedestrians and cars and pushing my body into relaxation in the familiarity of cyclicity.

maybe it is starting to make sense after all. farmers' markets and chinese groceries where we nod mutely at one another across the counter. cozy vegan restaurants with cheap beer and grinning regulars, board games lining the walls. i miss you all the way down to my toes, but at least there's enough directions for me to point them in to try and forget.

(you should have seen my turkish roommate's face when i told her i don't eat meat, and then, cautiously, keine Tierprodukte, no animal products, also.

uncomfortable silence.)