and when we all go to dark places full of collared shirts and fog machines, when the music gets worse and worse but we just keep on dancing because it recalls those first few weeks and the growing familiarity of all our giddy limbs. (that's when i remember why sometimes it's better to just say yes.)
christmas came three weeks early this year, or so i'm told.
mittens changing into chocolate bars.
pickles changing into mint leaves.
what used to frustrate me about my lacking vocabulary is now a relief of some sort, the comfort of not having time to worry about what i say or to wonder at anyone's reactions because the mere fact of the words coming out in a correct and legible arrangement is a satisfaction enough. sometimes i say things i don't even want to finish, or i don't even need them to understand, and then when they want the end of my sentence or want to respond i'm not sure why we're not just letting it slide away. i hope i've learned more patience for stumbling accents in my own language, too. i want a german-speaking friend in chicago to let me stay in practice. i want to label everything in our house with these words i'd like to keep on my tongue.
i'm kind of scared, is what i mean, to leave this city and this language and all these new ways i was learning to align. i'm going to miss vienna.
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