leaving

talking to kevin i told him that's what I do; i'm
the leaving type and he looks at me he
raises his eyebrows he says
eventually you'll have to stay somewhere
and i nod of course cuz no matter what i say i'm
tired of all the leaving.
my last few days in a place every encounter
feels like it needs to be a goodbye
you know, just in case & we
waste our precious time talking of
where i'm going to be, not
where we are.
my last few days every night
i never sleep till the clock hits morning and my
body tells me it needs a couple hours of
unawareness.
my last few days i don't know how to react so i
cut short the people i love and
focus on what's just out of reach out of
sight, in the leaving.
i leave people, i leave places, when they've
hooked into me lightly enough
that i can still tear free; deep enough
to leave a scar.
& i tell myself leaving is easier but
it exhausts me.

i think i need more indefinites in my life because i
live through each place knowing my time there is closing.
i want to stay stay stay stay LEAVE with no warnings, no
forethought, no
goodbyes.


on bald head island: